Love has always been just out of reach for me. At times, I think I’ve found it; have almost found it or simply failed miserably at it. But no matter what, it’s always ends up being a curious and sometimes exciting chase, running after love.
There are tons of cliches that claim “loves around the corner” or “there’s somebody for everybody” or my favorite “when you’re ready and open”, but no one ever tells you that you have to, you know, do actual work. Not only do you have to, at times, rip your heart out and let others chew it up, spit it out then stomp all over it-you have to climb mountains; swim through muddy waters and juggle flaming hoola hoops just to pick through a haystack looking for that one piece of silver lining.
I know what and who I want. I just don’t know how to find that Human, him or her, whomever they are…I have no idea how to step beyond my daydreams of love. I guess, or perhaps I know, that I’m hoping for a feeling of recognition. That feeling like you just felt your heart beat for the first time and suddenly your straight edges balance along their sharp angles as you complement the hopes, dreams and love for each other.
I live in the Bay Area, full of tech and finance people everywhere, every. where. There’s apparently “successful” individuals all around. But I can’t find them, not because I’m not looking, because I definitely am, it’s just not how I define success or happiness.
Success and happiness to me, don’t have monetary value and they certainly don’t have life experience quota. I understand money is necessary- but you know what else is? Love is; happiness is; compassion is; empathy is; tolerance is. respect is. People often, I think, mistake comfort for love and search for a specific lifestyle over companionship and mutual adoration only to one day recognize that they are alone.
I don’t want that. I want to stand with someone and watch the sun set…we’ll notice different things in that moment, but we both recognize the beauty of that moment. That’s what a partnership is to me; two different experiences sharing moments together.
I hope I find love in a human who aspires to love fully, who tolerates and inspires others. Someone who values happiness and kindness over status. A human who searches for moments to show his compassion. Has a passion for life and for me that will come in like a tempest and settle like a feather. Someone who will make me feel like I have lightening under my feet and wind through my hair…